One Month Old

I should know by now that time goes faster than I ever imagined when it comes to my children.  How in the world is my firstborn two and a half years old and how has a month already gone by with our littlest love?  The first month of her life has been truly incredible.  Of course it was (and still is) overwhelmingly exhausting, but without breastfeeding and postpartum issues life was a lot less complicated this time around.  Harrison has come around to being a big brother and we are head over heels for our little family.  Happy one month my sweet Harper Ellen - I love you so.

Likes: 

Halo Sleepsack - we use this every night and she sleeps like a champ as long as her arms are out of the swaddle.

Swing- we recently purchased this and it's perfect for naps -- it definitely helps to keep her asleep.  Big brother likes to swing her while she's in it, which is sweet, but he tends to swing her as fast as he can, so you gotta keep an eye on them.  

Eating- girl can eat!

Snuggling 💜

Pacifiers

Sleeping

Dislikes:

Being woken up for a diaper change
Being hungry
Being gassy
Tummy time for too long
Losing her paci

Schedule:

I am feeding on demand, so there is no set schedule, but she tends to eat every 2-3 hours during the day, cluster feeds in the evening, and goes about 3 hours between night feedings.   She tends to nap most of the afternoon, but is alert and taking in the world in the mornings and before bedtime.  Sometimes it feels like she's permanently attached to me, but that's alright with me.  

Features:

Harper is a chunker!  She is currently 9 lbs and 1.5 oz and this breastfeeding mama is proud after all the weight gain struggles we had with Harrison during his first month.  She has a head full of dark hair and her eyes started as a dark, dark green and are starting to lighten up.  She has a stork bite on her left ear, just like her brother, and the sweetest double chin.  She's perfectly scrumptious and I could just stare at her forever.  

Milestones:

Grasps fingers and clothing
Drinks from a bottle
Focuses on objects
Lifts head during tummy time

Firsts:

Well, everything-- welcome to the world!
-Restaurant
-Brewery
-Car ride
-Family visits

Challenges:

So far we've been lucky.  Our biggest challenge is balancing two kids - how in the world am I ever going to take them both out in public alone?!  I want to make sure she's getting adequate snuggles, but I also need time with my little man, so the balance can be difficult at times, but we are doing the best we can.  She's been such an easy baby and I am so grateful for her good health and calm soul.  

Thoughts: 

It's true; your heart really does grow with love for your second child.  The moment she was placed in my arms I knew she was meant to be ours and was everything our family didn't know we needed.  She makes me want to be the best possible version of myself - I want her to see me as a strong, brave, and good person who is forever her cheerleader.  I want her to be accepting of everyone and always choose kindness, and I hope she learns that from the examples we set as parents.  Thank you for making our world brighter Harper.  

Big brother got in on the action!

 

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Week 38: Harper's Here!

Saturday morning, July 29th, I woke up feeling like my normal pregnant self - uncomfortable and large.  I went to work, took a fast-paced walk, then caught up on some tv while the boys were out.  I started feeling some contractions, mostly in my back, and had a feeling that today might be the day.  When Mike + Harrison got home we got the car packed and waited.  Of course my contractions went away and I figured it was a false alarm so we proceeded with our nighttime routine as usual.

I went downstairs to get some water, took a step, and felt like I leaked some fluid.  When I checked it wasn't much so I wasn't sure if I actually leaked or if I peed myself #pregnancyproblems.  I decided to hop in the shower just in case this was the real deal.  As soon as I stepped out of the shower my water broke.  We called Sandy to come over and have a sleepover with Harrison and headed to the hospital.  Harrison was awake when we left with a fever (great timing) and I bawled my eyes out as I gave him the biggest hug in the world.  It's the strangest feeling to know that the next time you see your first baby a whole new life will be with you.

My last bump photo...ever!

We arrived at the hospital around 10:30pm and once they confirmed my water had broken I was admitted.  I was not having any contractions so it was such a weird feeling to be there and not be in pain.  I was still at 1cm and our nurse thought Harper was breech, but it turns out her hand was just in the way.  The contractions started around midnight and I was still barely dilating.  I held out as long as I could, but when the pain got to be too much I got an epidural (around 5:30am).  I was only at 3cm, but was ready to not feel like my insides were being ripped apart any longer.  They had to do it twice, but once it kicked in was totally worth it.  They put me on pitocin soon after and my contractions became regular and strong - and pain free!  I slowly made my way to 5 cm, and then about an hour and a half after hitting that I was at 9 cm.  I was ready to go when my doctor got called into emergency surgery, so they took me off pitocin and we waited until he was available again-- not an easy task when you are ready to meet your baby girl!

The doctor came in around 1:40pm and we were ready to go.  The nurse brought in the mirror for me (seriously consider doing this if you are giving birth anytime soon- what a motivator!) and Mike and the nursing team held my legs back and just like that it was time to push.  I felt a lot more aware of what was happening around me this delivery.  I felt connected to my body and the people around me, which made for a better delivery experience.  I pushed for about 30 minutes and every bit of progress that I could see was motivation to keep going.  When she was out they placed her on me and I held her and cried- 17 hours of labor and then the most perfect little girl was added to our family.  Her squishy little face and head full of hair filled my entire heart and all of my worry about how I could possibly love another disappeared instantly.  

I can't get over how different my experience has been this time around.  We are 8 days in and her delivery and first week home have been completely different than with our son.  I think I dealt with some more serious postpartum issues with Harrison than I realized- I was not hands on at all with him when he was first born and realize now that was just something I had to go through, and it doesn't make me a bad mom.  Looking back, I see how much I struggled and how much of a toll our breastfeeding struggles had on me and I am so grateful for such a positive experience this time around.  Harper has taken to breastfeeding like a champ and I feel like a supermom.  I feel happy, like I'm going to burst from love, and actually have energy.  The extra coffee doesn't hurt either.  I am in such awe of my body and have no shame in the way my body has changed -- I've made TWO perfect, beautiful humans.  

Speaking of Harrison, he is... adjusting.  He wouldn't speak to me for the first couple of days that we were home, but he's warming up to me now-- I got lots of hugs and kisses from my little man today.  He is curious about Harper, but keeps his distance and does not want to hold her because she's "heavy."  Although we did bribe him with ice cream to hold her during our newborn shoot.  When we ask him to say bye to her if he is leaving the house he says "bye Harper" to my tummy, so I'm pretty sure he wants her to go back in there.  Each day he acknowledges her existence a little more - he even helped with a recent diaper change, so hopefully we continue to make progress in the brother and sister department.  I love them both so incredibly much that it hurts in the best way.

Our family is complete and I am so in love with this life we've made.  

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Week 37

We have progress!  At my weekly appointment this week I was 1 cm dilated... I know, I know, this could mean labor in a day or in a month, but with Harrison I went from 1-3cm quickly and had him soon after, so there is hope.  I've started experiencing some pretty painful contractions, but they seem to go away after about an hour- such a tease.

At this point, I'm just trying to make it through each day without crying and soak up every snuggle with Harrison who seems to be very aware that his only child status is expiring and is quite attached to me these days.  I feel like he senses my anxiety of adding another human to our family and my constant worry that he'll feel like I don't love him as much, which is totally impossible.  I know this feeling is normal, but I really wonder how my heart can love another being as much as I love him.  Of course, before I had Harrison I didn't understand the love a mother feels for her child, so what do I know anyway?  There must be a reason people have two, three, or seven children.  I ran across this poem online and it has given me some comfort for what's ahead.

My secondborn baby, I have to tell you the truth.

One day you’ll probably ask me

About why everything wasn’t

Bright, shiny and

New

For you.

And when you ask me, I will tell you the truth;

The truth about

The hand-me-downs,

The caffeine and soft cheese

During pregnancy,

My lack of a birth plan,

And weekly bump photos;

The fact that I didn’t wait With bated breath For every single milestone.

The difficult truths

Like the fact that You had to cry more

Wait more

Share more.

The fact that I,

Your mama,

Was often not the best version of myself.

But dear, sweet, secondborn,

Let me also tell you this.

The truth is,

Before you were born, I doubted the infinity of love

And yet

The moment they placed you in my arms,

Cocooned in blankets,

With your button nose and scrunched up lips,

Eyes firmly shut and so new to this world,

It’s as if I grew

A whole new heart

Just for you.

The truth is,

Darling girl,

It was you who taught me

To really believe

That despite the guilt, the worry,

The urgent need to be everything to everyone,

That in fact, I am enough, as I am.

Yes, I was already someone’s mother

When you came into my life But you made me

A better one.

And so, the truth is,

Dear secondborn,

When one day you start to wonder why

Things were different when you came along

Know this, my love: I never knew How much my heart could hold,

Until I held you;

How you weren’t an addition,

But a piece that was missing;

And how now that a year has passed,

After everything we’ve been through,

The love and joy You have brought

Makes me feel

Bright,

Shiny

And new

Every day.

-Rasha Rushdy

How far along? 37 weeks 

Maternity clothes?  Nothing fits and everything is uncomfortable.   

Stretch marks? No- woo! 

Sleep: Rolling over with a melon sized being inside of you is not an easy task.  I'm also finding it very difficult to fall back asleep when I wake up, but I'm managing.  On the bright side, Harrison has been back in his bed for two weeks!  We tried some different methods, found what works best for us, and each night is getting easier.  He typically wakes up once a night where one of us will go in and stay with him until he falls asleep again, sometimes after some snack and drink requests, but hey, we're just doing our best.  

Best moment(s) this week: Learning that I'm starting to dilate- progress is progress and I'll take it! 

Miss Anything? Feeling human-- between the contractions, the leg pain, and my exhaustion I am so ready to feel normal again... only another year or so until that right? 

Movement: She's definitely not as active anymore and I'm hoping that the lack of room in there may call for an early eviction. 

Food cravings: Cereal is still my go to, not much has changed there.

Anything making you queasy or sick:  Not really, I prefer some things to others, but nothing makes me feel ill. 

Gender: Girl 

Labor Signs: As I mentioned, I've started to dilate, am having on and off contractions (front and back), and my OB mentioned me being midway, which I'm assuming he was referring to effacement.

Symptoms: Sore boobs, leg cramps, emotional, and oh so very tired. 

Belly Button in or out? Out.  

Wedding rings on or off? Still on! 

Happy or Moody most of the time: Emotional for sure- I just feel like so much is going on and it's overwhelming. 

Looking forward to: Meeting Harper - I'm ready to grow a whole new heart for you sweet girl. 

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Week 36

I feel like an insane person.  I am finding it hard to control my emotions and am 98% positive that my baby is using a grapefruit spoon to dig her way out of me.  I constantly worry that Harrison will hate me when the baby is here and feel like there are 19823958 things on my mind.  Don't get me wrong, I absolutely can't wait to meet Harper and feel so lucky to be growing our family, but with big change so near it can be overwhelming and scary.  

How far along? 36 weeks 

Maternity clothes?  Are maternity crop tops a thing?  Because it seems that's my latest fashion statement.  

Stretch marks? No

Sleep: 😂

Best moment(s) this week: Another healthy check-up at the doctor and lots of family time. 

Miss Anything? Feeling comfortable...  

Movement: She is less active, but her movements are strong, uncomfortable, and usually painful.  She likes to kick her little foot out and then drag it across my uterus several times a day.    

Food cravings: Apple slices and cereal. 

Anything making you queasy or sick:  Nothing in particular makes me sick, but most normal dinner items just aren't appetizing right now. 

Gender: Girl

Labor Signs: Braxton Hicks, strong ones, all the time.  My doctor said that my cervix isn't doing anything yet, but I disagree and am pretty sure she's going to just fall out of me at any moment.  

Symptoms: Being uncomfortable 24/7, pregnancy brain (I have to write EVERYTHING down),  extra sensitive (emotionally), feeling stressed, and hungry + full at the same time.  

Belly Button in or out? What belly button? 

Wedding rings on or off? On, but getting tighter. 

Happy or Moody most of the time: Moody, no doubt about it.  I know this will pass, and I can't believe this pregnancy is almost over, but I'm ready for these hormones to hit the road.  

Looking forward to: Sharing Harper's nursery!  This room was Harrison's before we switched him over to the larger room that used to be our guest room/office.  We figured a baby didn't need as much space as a toddler, and it was already painted so we could work with what what had.  When I started planning her nursery I focused on colors - blush pink, dark greens, gray, and gold.  Everything evolved from those colors (and a lot of picture texting with friends) and turned into Harper's room.  There were many Target runs and the amount of returns they must see when they run my card is embarrassing, but everything slowly came together and I can't wait to bring our sweet baby girl back to her nursery that we created with love and only a little bit of complaining. 

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