Week 38: Harper's Here!

Saturday morning, July 29th, I woke up feeling like my normal pregnant self - uncomfortable and large.  I went to work, took a fast-paced walk, then caught up on some tv while the boys were out.  I started feeling some contractions, mostly in my back, and had a feeling that today might be the day.  When Mike + Harrison got home we got the car packed and waited.  Of course my contractions went away and I figured it was a false alarm so we proceeded with our nighttime routine as usual.

I went downstairs to get some water, took a step, and felt like I leaked some fluid.  When I checked it wasn't much so I wasn't sure if I actually leaked or if I peed myself #pregnancyproblems.  I decided to hop in the shower just in case this was the real deal.  As soon as I stepped out of the shower my water broke.  We called Sandy to come over and have a sleepover with Harrison and headed to the hospital.  Harrison was awake when we left with a fever (great timing) and I bawled my eyes out as I gave him the biggest hug in the world.  It's the strangest feeling to know that the next time you see your first baby a whole new life will be with you.

My last bump photo...ever!

We arrived at the hospital around 10:30pm and once they confirmed my water had broken I was admitted.  I was not having any contractions so it was such a weird feeling to be there and not be in pain.  I was still at 1cm and our nurse thought Harper was breech, but it turns out her hand was just in the way.  The contractions started around midnight and I was still barely dilating.  I held out as long as I could, but when the pain got to be too much I got an epidural (around 5:30am).  I was only at 3cm, but was ready to not feel like my insides were being ripped apart any longer.  They had to do it twice, but once it kicked in was totally worth it.  They put me on pitocin soon after and my contractions became regular and strong - and pain free!  I slowly made my way to 5 cm, and then about an hour and a half after hitting that I was at 9 cm.  I was ready to go when my doctor got called into emergency surgery, so they took me off pitocin and we waited until he was available again-- not an easy task when you are ready to meet your baby girl!

The doctor came in around 1:40pm and we were ready to go.  The nurse brought in the mirror for me (seriously consider doing this if you are giving birth anytime soon- what a motivator!) and Mike and the nursing team held my legs back and just like that it was time to push.  I felt a lot more aware of what was happening around me this delivery.  I felt connected to my body and the people around me, which made for a better delivery experience.  I pushed for about 30 minutes and every bit of progress that I could see was motivation to keep going.  When she was out they placed her on me and I held her and cried- 17 hours of labor and then the most perfect little girl was added to our family.  Her squishy little face and head full of hair filled my entire heart and all of my worry about how I could possibly love another disappeared instantly.  

I can't get over how different my experience has been this time around.  We are 8 days in and her delivery and first week home have been completely different than with our son.  I think I dealt with some more serious postpartum issues with Harrison than I realized- I was not hands on at all with him when he was first born and realize now that was just something I had to go through, and it doesn't make me a bad mom.  Looking back, I see how much I struggled and how much of a toll our breastfeeding struggles had on me and I am so grateful for such a positive experience this time around.  Harper has taken to breastfeeding like a champ and I feel like a supermom.  I feel happy, like I'm going to burst from love, and actually have energy.  The extra coffee doesn't hurt either.  I am in such awe of my body and have no shame in the way my body has changed -- I've made TWO perfect, beautiful humans.  

Speaking of Harrison, he is... adjusting.  He wouldn't speak to me for the first couple of days that we were home, but he's warming up to me now-- I got lots of hugs and kisses from my little man today.  He is curious about Harper, but keeps his distance and does not want to hold her because she's "heavy."  Although we did bribe him with ice cream to hold her during our newborn shoot.  When we ask him to say bye to her if he is leaving the house he says "bye Harper" to my tummy, so I'm pretty sure he wants her to go back in there.  Each day he acknowledges her existence a little more - he even helped with a recent diaper change, so hopefully we continue to make progress in the brother and sister department.  I love them both so incredibly much that it hurts in the best way.

Our family is complete and I am so in love with this life we've made.