Three Months Old

How is it possible to feel opposite emotions simultaneously?  When I look at Harper and see how much she has grown in just three months I feel so much joy and a bit of grief as we leave the newborn stage.  This whole last baby thing really tugs at your heartstrings.  Of course I am so grateful she's healthy, strong, and reaching new milestones, but is it so wrong for me to want her to be an itty bitty infant for just a while longer?  

Likes: 
-Playmat- She has started talking to the animals on her play mat and grasping on to the rings.  She prefers to be on her back, but we sneak in as much tummy time as we can.  She rolled over once from her tummy to back a few weeks ago, but hasn't seemed interested in doing it again.

-Her frog chair -- it's like a softer bumbo, and she can sit up and see around her.

-Diaper + outfit changes

-Smiling- especially at her elephant in her play mat.  

-Being held

-Drying off after a bath

Dislikes:
-Long naps

-Being hungry

-Being stuck at traffic lights

Schedule:
After reading Harrison's schedule for this month I feel like a sub-par mom.  We had such a predictable routine with him, but I was also not working or chasing a toddler around so it was definitely easier.  Each day is different- sometimes she is at the office with me, sometimes we work from home, and sometimes she stays home with Dad.  Due to the lack of predictability in our schedules and because we wanted to, we have introduced formula and she is having no issues going back and forth between that and breast milk.  She tends to fall asleep for the night around 9 and wakes up between 4-6am for her next feeding and falls back asleep until 8ish.  This last week she has been cluster feeding at night so I never know when she's going to wake up, but I'm hoping we get back to that nice, long sleeping stretch again soon.  Each day is always a little bit chaotic, but we make it work and we wouldn't change it for anything.

Features:

She just keeps growing.  She is in size 1 diapers and 0-3 month clothing, but I'm not sure how much longer that will last now that she is 12 pounds.  She still has beautiful dark brown hair, but it is starting to fall out in some unfortunate patches.  Her eyes are a greenish blue and her rolls are scrumptious.  When she is sleeping she looks like Harrison's twin, but when she's awake I still think she looks like me, with the occasional Mike angry eyebrow scowl. 

Milestones:

Harper can...

-Blow bubbles/drool

-Sleep in her crib -- A few half nights so far!  We put her down after she falls asleep and when she wakes for her middle of the night feed I bring her back into our room.  I'm hoping we'll transition her to a full night sleep in the next couple of weeks.  

-SMILE big time

Firsts:

-Disney World

-Pumpkin patch

-Road Trip

Challenges:

So far, so good.  She's the sweetest, snuggliest, smiliest little babe (I mean, c'mon, look at that dimple) and I don't have any complaints.  We're still figuring out life as a family of four, but it's pretty amazing.  

Thoughts:

It's so amazing to see her interact with us now.  Her smiles are one of my favorite things in the world and watching Harrison with her is the greatest gift.  There is nothing sweeter than catching him staring at her and talking to her when he doesn't know we are watching.  We made some pretty cool babies. 💛

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Two Months Old

10.85 pounds and just over 22 inches of pure sweetness.  This girl has stolen our hearts and although the days may be challenging, we wouldn't trade her for anything.  Her personality is starting to show and she grows and changes every day.  She is easy going, soaks in the world around her, and smiles with her whole face.  We love you to the moon and back Harper.  

Likes: 
-Playmat

-Pacis

-Baths

-Snuggling

-Daddy (after some serious snuggle sessions)

-Eating

-Being outside

-Having a sassy face

Dislikes:
-Being hungry

-Being cold

-Not being held
-Shots at the doctors office

Schedule:
What's a schedule? Hurricane Irma really threw us for a loop with a newborn.  I feel like things were starting to settle down around here, and then school was out for a week + we had a full house so things have been completely out of whack.  My goal for month three is to get our whole family into a routine- wish me luck! 

She eats about every 2 hours during the day and has started giving me 4-6 hour stretches at night.  Although it may not seem like much, I made it to my goal of exclusively breastfeeding for two months and I am so proud of us!  She is still in our bed in a co-sleeper, and I live for our morning snuggles.  During the day she is either at the office with me or at home with one of us.  We spend our time on the activity mat, snuggling, and trying to accomplish as much as we can while big brother is at school.  Second children are a whole new ballgame; I worry sometimes that she is not getting the one on one attention that Harrison got (I mean I took 13 weeks of leave and stared at him 24/7), but I'm doing the best I can and she is so, so loved. 

Features:
I see me.  And it's the most amazing feeling in the world.  As an adopted child I always looked forward to the day I would have my own children to be able to see a mini-me.  I searched and searched for me in Harrison, but let's be honest, he's Mike's twin.  And then there is Harper... it's like this little girl sees into my soul with her blue eyes and for the first time I see me in someone else.  She is a serious one with her chubby cheeks, double chin, and her head full of dark hair.  Harper seems to take in the world around her with ferocity and I just know she is going to do good things in this world. 

Milestones:

Harper can...

-Smile (you have to work for it)

-Grasp objects

-Hold up her neck

Firsts:

-Smile

-Zoo trip

-Birthday Party

-Babysitter

-Hurricane

-FSU football game

Challenges:

Accomplishing life with two kids.  Harper does not like to be put down if she is awake, which means delayed work calls + emails and a very messy house.  I want so badly to do it all, but I've had to learn to prioritize and that means family, friends, work, + then the rest of it (dishes included).   

Thoughts:

How am I so incredibly lucky?!  I have a wild, curious, + imaginative two year old, a baby girl who made my heart grow in unimaginable ways, and a husband who supports everything I do + loves our children more than anything.  We may not have it together all of the time, but I am so grateful for what we do have and the life we are building together.

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One Month Old

I should know by now that time goes faster than I ever imagined when it comes to my children.  How in the world is my firstborn two and a half years old and how has a month already gone by with our littlest love?  The first month of her life has been truly incredible.  Of course it was (and still is) overwhelmingly exhausting, but without breastfeeding and postpartum issues life was a lot less complicated this time around.  Harrison has come around to being a big brother and we are head over heels for our little family.  Happy one month my sweet Harper Ellen - I love you so.

Likes: 

Halo Sleepsack - we use this every night and she sleeps like a champ as long as her arms are out of the swaddle.

Swing- we recently purchased this and it's perfect for naps -- it definitely helps to keep her asleep.  Big brother likes to swing her while she's in it, which is sweet, but he tends to swing her as fast as he can, so you gotta keep an eye on them.  

Eating- girl can eat!

Snuggling 💜

Pacifiers

Sleeping

Dislikes:

Being woken up for a diaper change
Being hungry
Being gassy
Tummy time for too long
Losing her paci

Schedule:

I am feeding on demand, so there is no set schedule, but she tends to eat every 2-3 hours during the day, cluster feeds in the evening, and goes about 3 hours between night feedings.   She tends to nap most of the afternoon, but is alert and taking in the world in the mornings and before bedtime.  Sometimes it feels like she's permanently attached to me, but that's alright with me.  

Features:

Harper is a chunker!  She is currently 9 lbs and 1.5 oz and this breastfeeding mama is proud after all the weight gain struggles we had with Harrison during his first month.  She has a head full of dark hair and her eyes started as a dark, dark green and are starting to lighten up.  She has a stork bite on her left ear, just like her brother, and the sweetest double chin.  She's perfectly scrumptious and I could just stare at her forever.  

Milestones:

Grasps fingers and clothing
Drinks from a bottle
Focuses on objects
Lifts head during tummy time

Firsts:

Well, everything-- welcome to the world!
-Restaurant
-Brewery
-Car ride
-Family visits

Challenges:

So far we've been lucky.  Our biggest challenge is balancing two kids - how in the world am I ever going to take them both out in public alone?!  I want to make sure she's getting adequate snuggles, but I also need time with my little man, so the balance can be difficult at times, but we are doing the best we can.  She's been such an easy baby and I am so grateful for her good health and calm soul.  

Thoughts: 

It's true; your heart really does grow with love for your second child.  The moment she was placed in my arms I knew she was meant to be ours and was everything our family didn't know we needed.  She makes me want to be the best possible version of myself - I want her to see me as a strong, brave, and good person who is forever her cheerleader.  I want her to be accepting of everyone and always choose kindness, and I hope she learns that from the examples we set as parents.  Thank you for making our world brighter Harper.  

Big brother got in on the action!

 

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Week 38: Harper's Here!

Saturday morning, July 29th, I woke up feeling like my normal pregnant self - uncomfortable and large.  I went to work, took a fast-paced walk, then caught up on some tv while the boys were out.  I started feeling some contractions, mostly in my back, and had a feeling that today might be the day.  When Mike + Harrison got home we got the car packed and waited.  Of course my contractions went away and I figured it was a false alarm so we proceeded with our nighttime routine as usual.

I went downstairs to get some water, took a step, and felt like I leaked some fluid.  When I checked it wasn't much so I wasn't sure if I actually leaked or if I peed myself #pregnancyproblems.  I decided to hop in the shower just in case this was the real deal.  As soon as I stepped out of the shower my water broke.  We called Sandy to come over and have a sleepover with Harrison and headed to the hospital.  Harrison was awake when we left with a fever (great timing) and I bawled my eyes out as I gave him the biggest hug in the world.  It's the strangest feeling to know that the next time you see your first baby a whole new life will be with you.

My last bump photo...ever!

We arrived at the hospital around 10:30pm and once they confirmed my water had broken I was admitted.  I was not having any contractions so it was such a weird feeling to be there and not be in pain.  I was still at 1cm and our nurse thought Harper was breech, but it turns out her hand was just in the way.  The contractions started around midnight and I was still barely dilating.  I held out as long as I could, but when the pain got to be too much I got an epidural (around 5:30am).  I was only at 3cm, but was ready to not feel like my insides were being ripped apart any longer.  They had to do it twice, but once it kicked in was totally worth it.  They put me on pitocin soon after and my contractions became regular and strong - and pain free!  I slowly made my way to 5 cm, and then about an hour and a half after hitting that I was at 9 cm.  I was ready to go when my doctor got called into emergency surgery, so they took me off pitocin and we waited until he was available again-- not an easy task when you are ready to meet your baby girl!

The doctor came in around 1:40pm and we were ready to go.  The nurse brought in the mirror for me (seriously consider doing this if you are giving birth anytime soon- what a motivator!) and Mike and the nursing team held my legs back and just like that it was time to push.  I felt a lot more aware of what was happening around me this delivery.  I felt connected to my body and the people around me, which made for a better delivery experience.  I pushed for about 30 minutes and every bit of progress that I could see was motivation to keep going.  When she was out they placed her on me and I held her and cried- 17 hours of labor and then the most perfect little girl was added to our family.  Her squishy little face and head full of hair filled my entire heart and all of my worry about how I could possibly love another disappeared instantly.  

I can't get over how different my experience has been this time around.  We are 8 days in and her delivery and first week home have been completely different than with our son.  I think I dealt with some more serious postpartum issues with Harrison than I realized- I was not hands on at all with him when he was first born and realize now that was just something I had to go through, and it doesn't make me a bad mom.  Looking back, I see how much I struggled and how much of a toll our breastfeeding struggles had on me and I am so grateful for such a positive experience this time around.  Harper has taken to breastfeeding like a champ and I feel like a supermom.  I feel happy, like I'm going to burst from love, and actually have energy.  The extra coffee doesn't hurt either.  I am in such awe of my body and have no shame in the way my body has changed -- I've made TWO perfect, beautiful humans.  

Speaking of Harrison, he is... adjusting.  He wouldn't speak to me for the first couple of days that we were home, but he's warming up to me now-- I got lots of hugs and kisses from my little man today.  He is curious about Harper, but keeps his distance and does not want to hold her because she's "heavy."  Although we did bribe him with ice cream to hold her during our newborn shoot.  When we ask him to say bye to her if he is leaving the house he says "bye Harper" to my tummy, so I'm pretty sure he wants her to go back in there.  Each day he acknowledges her existence a little more - he even helped with a recent diaper change, so hopefully we continue to make progress in the brother and sister department.  I love them both so incredibly much that it hurts in the best way.

Our family is complete and I am so in love with this life we've made.  

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